help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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