she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize