They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
