dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
