This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
