I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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