Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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