WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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