my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
