Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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