My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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