ugly people sure do ruin things
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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