On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
