dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my sisters under your porch take her home
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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