Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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