After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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