Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
