We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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