I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
