well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
