"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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