I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize