He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
