hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
