I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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