I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He felt like a one man threesome
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
