walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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