It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
