decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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