So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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