hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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