and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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