i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
