I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
