The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
