how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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