Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
