The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
