The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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