i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
