she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
