i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need a beard to bite.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
