is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize