I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
