you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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