Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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