you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize