I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
