what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
