I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
