Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
