ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
