So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
