she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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