Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
