Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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