i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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