Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
