I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
