Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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