hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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