when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
