my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
