did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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