I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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