You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
