hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
