I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
