it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
