I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
