I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
